Dear MMAE Family,
We all know the part of the seder that speaks of the 4 sons. Let’s call them the 4 children. “The Torah speaks of 4 children. One who is wise, one who is wicked, one who is simple, and one who doesn’t know what to ask.”
Where does the Torah speak about these 4 children? You may have missed it because it’s pretty subtle. The Haggadah is picking up on the fact that the Torah says multiple times that in the future, you must tell your children what this is all about. Three of the sources have the child posing the question, the fourth is just an answer to a question unasked (hence the child who doesn’t ask).
Here are the 4 sources:
1. (The source for the wise child)
If your child asks you tomorrow, saying, “What are the testimonies and the decrees, and the ordinances that Hashem, our God, commanded you?” You shall say to your child, “We were slaves…” (Deuteronomy 6:20-21)
2. (The source for the wicked child)
And it shall be that when your children say to you, “what is this service to you?” You shall say, “It is a Pesach offering to Hashem….” (Exodus 12:26-27)
3. (The source for the simple child)
And it will be when your child will ask you at some future time, “What is this?” you shall say to them, “With a strong Hand Hashem removed us from Egypt, from the house of bondage.” (Exodus 13:14)
4. (The source for the child who doesn’t know what to ask)
And you shall tell your child on that day saying, “it is because of this that Hashem acted on my behalf when I left Egypt” (Exodus 13:8)
I always assumed that the wise child was the opposite of the wicked child, but when you actually think about it, are wise and wicked opposites? No! The opposite of wicked is righteous, and the opposite of wise is simple. So a clear grouping are the wise and simple child.
The simple child asks a simple question – “What is this?” We give them a simple answer.
The wise child asks a complex question – “What are all the details involved?” We give them a more detailed answer.
These two are on the opposite ends of the intelligence spectrum…or maybe not… Maybe one just knows how to sound wise by asking a detailed question. Either way, we meet the child where they are and do our best to pique their interest.
The other two children are more complex. And I want to posit that perhaps the child who doesn’t know what to ask is the hero of the seder, the opposite of wicked! The wicked child wants nothing to do with the seder. They have a question but don’t really want an answer at all. They have no interest and have closed the door to learning. Perhaps the fourth child represents the exact opposite!
The Haggadah says regarding the 4th child, “At Petach Lo”- generally translated as “you start them off” (The word “At” is spelled Aleph-Tav, the first and last letter of the Hebrew alphabet).
The commentary Divrei Chayim (The first Sanzer Rebbe Chayim Halberstam 1793-1876) comments on those words, “to one who truly knows that they do not know, to such a person everything (from Aleph to Tav) is open for them.”
I think a better translation of “At Petach Lo” is “You open to them”. The opening of the Haggadah is to them. In fact, the answer we give this child is the most important verse regarding the Passover seder- it is the source of our Passover seder. The Hebrew for “you shall tell” is “Hegadeta”- the root of the word “Hagaddah”. The one you must tell is the one who knows they have so much to learn. They know that the truth is so vast, beautiful, and mysterious, that they don’t even have the tools to formulate a question. The 4th child’s silence is a silence of wonder!
It’s what Buddhists call “Shoshin” or “Beginners Mind”. To approach something with the curiosity and openness of someone who truly doesn’t know. We are taught that the reason the Torah was given in a midbar- a wilderness is that wisdom can only be received in a place that is open and free of preconceptions.
As we begin a new cycle of the year, a new cycle of life, let us do our best to be the child who doesn’t even know what to ask. To be children with eyes full of wonder and excitement, curious and ready to learn.
Happy Pesach Everyone!!
With Love,
Rabbi Yerachmiel Shapiro
